One aspect of elite sport that has been brought to the spotlight this Olympic season that has truly spoken to my soul and made me so happy is body positivity.
From gymnasts moving toward a more powerful body type to Olympic Rugby star Ilona Maher posting many incredible and empowering videos, like the one showing her breakfast and describing the three carbs that she had on her plate, body positivity is spreading like wildfire, and it is so encouraging to me.
It was because of this that I decided to open up about my disordered eating when I took part in elite paracycling. First, I want to say that while I had disordered eating, I never had a diagnosed eating disorder. I had some critical people in my corner who called out my situation, helped me come out of it, and now continue to hold me accountable in my healthy eating journey.
After I graduated from college, I picked up running to lose weight. I wasn't overweight at all but coming out of collegiate cheerleading, I developed an unhealthy view of how my body should look. Luckily, I love running, and I was still generally healthy with my eating. I switched from running to triathlon and loved it even more - and I thought I was still healthy. Yet, I built a high training volume to combat my average eating. Again, I wasn't eating unhealthy, but in my mind, I was.
After I was injured and became paralyzed, I naturally had some negative self-talk, but I still was generally healthy. While I was at a higher risk, at that time, I didn't have disordered eating. This continued through my triathlon accomplishments.
In 2018, I switched to elite paracycling at the suggestion of a teammate. I dabbled in this and was in the pipeline for the Paralympic track cycling team until, one day, everything came crashing down. And all it took was one little comment from one individual during a camp that I should eat less because I was too "big" to actually be good at paracycling.
It was an off-handed comment that I highly doubt anyone remembers today. But it sent me down a rabbit hole that ended in disordered eating. I went from eating 1800 to 2200 calories on an average day to averaging 700 calories per day in a matter of months. I was able to hide it really well. If I was going out to eat, I would not have anything of substance for most of the day, eat whatever, and then eat almost nothing the next day. At this time, I had some major stressors in my life, and the easiest way to handle this…was to not eat. This lasted for about 9 months until my sister, who is aware of mental health and eating disorder situations, called this pattern out.
At that point, I finally opened up to my best friend and husband, and they got me back on track. I stepped back from competing in the elite world, instead focusing on coaching, and that's where I found my passion.
I fulfilled my love of sport by guiding others through the dynamics of elite paracycling and endurance racing. I started eating again, and while I still have some setbacks, I am on a very healthy track. Although I now need to always be aware of the risks and watch for me slipping back into the world of disordered eating, I am learning to be secure in my body.
I'm telling you all this with an ulterior motive. I need help. As a coach, I watch for signs of disordered eating with all my athletes, but I admit…I may miss the signs sometimes.
A general list of signs is below:
Anxiety or depression
Excessive exercise habits
Excessive use of the bathroom
Trouble concentrating
Avoiding eating
Preoccupation with weight and eating
As a coach, how can you help?
Always be supportive
Use questionnaires and screening programs pre-season to identify those who may be at higher risk
Be prepared with nutritional and mental support
Enter any conversation about a potential issue with compassion, support, and seeking a common goal
Lastly, if you have a friend who may be at risk for an eating disorder, it's critical to keep these tips in mind:
ALWAYS BE KIND. Even if you don't suspect anything is wrong, please be kind. We often don't know the struggles a person is going through.
Maintain a healthy balance. Be there for them, but don't smother.
Model healthy eating.
Help and support them.
Allow yourself to not know all the answers.
Understand and acknowledge certain different behaviors and rituals.
Do not manipulate the person.
Be ready, willing, and able to help and support as the person enters therapy/recovery.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Sevices Administration at 1-800-662-4357.
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